Skip to main content

Love & happiness in 2020

 Have you ever watched a movie with a love story and thought that the relationships on them aren’t ever what they appear to be? In real life, love isn’t something that’s easy, or something that makes you so happy it still makes you crazy years after meeting someone. I thought love became a habit overtime, you just become used to each other and go through the motions of each day together.

 At the risk of sounding cheesy, I found that movie romance in real life. After 3 years and 3 months I still get butterflies when he texts me. I still watch for him out the window when he’s coming home from work. We still kiss goodnight and say I love you 150 times a day. I look forward to my time with him every single day and never get sick of it. I love the way he looks at me, the way he protects me, treats me and the way he loves me. 

I know people get sick of hearing it. A lot of people don’t know how to act around happy couples but I honestly don’t care what anyone thinks. I will go on and on for years about how happy I finally am because it’s nothing I’ve ever experienced. Because of this happiness, Jim and I didn’t want to wait any longer to get married. We had postponed the wedding because of Covid but wanted to make it official now. We’ve both waited our whole lives for each other and decided just a few weeks ago that we would get married now, with just the kids and our parents. It was a perfect day, the weather was gorgeous and unheard of for November in New England! The sun hit the water perfectly behind us and I had the best day becoming Mrs. Lockhead. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world for finding him and I look forward to many happy years.


2020 has been a tough year. The kids not being able to go to school, everything closing down, wearing masks everywhere etc. I’ve tried to make the best of it, and getting married definitely helped that! But there are still struggles that we deal with every day. My DBS stopped working and my symptoms in my hand and foot came back. Luckily, I got Botox and that helped a lot but I have to go back to Albany every 3 months to get it. We are still trying to figure out what’s wrong with it. I had an EEG and it showed the DBS is struggling when ramping up to get to the settings. I’m going to try new settings and if that doesn’t work I will need my battery replaced. Thankfully, that’s a pretty simple surgery. 

I’ve also been having a lot of problems with my hand and fingers. They are all hyper extending and a couple fingers lock when I try to bend them. This makes every day tasks very difficult. On December 11th I will be going in for yet another hand surgery. They will be taking a tendon from my toe to wrap around my fingers. I’m really hoping this is the last one. 


Remote learning has been tough, the kids only go to school two days a week right now. The thing that scares me the most is that they’re not learning much. I worry about them falling behind and struggling when school starts again. We have enjoyed many extra days together though and I’m very lucky that I work from home so I can help them through this. We’re doing the best we can! 


My point here is that 2020 has been a tough year but hard days are so much easier to deal with when you are happy with your life and when you have someone who is there to help you every day ❤️



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

When Pineapple socks aren’t enough

I wake up in the morning, get my kids ready for school, make my husband and I a cup of coffee and take three small pills. When you look at them you’d never imagine what they could do to your body but right from the beginning I was willing to do it. No matter what it took, I would do it. Little did I know, these pills would just be another part of the sadness. I continue on my day, limiting caffeine, watching what I eat and gaining a pound a minute. Before bed, Jim injects more medication into my buttocks. These medications are supposed to be getting my body ready to have a baby but for some reason this small thing that I want so badly is so hard to achieve. Since the day I met Jim, we’ve wanted a baby. We’ve picked out names, first outfits, and ways we want to tell our parents the news. It’s been 4 years since we agreed we wanted to start trying and we still don’t have it. Just before Covid hit, we decided to see a fertility specialist to help us achieve pregnancy. We tracked my cyc

update on Dystonia and Family

I have been doing as well as could be expected.  I am back in Florida so it's nice to be with Ryan.  Although I am still upset about the whole thing, I am trying hard to smile and not let it show.  The spasms have returned and have gotten worse since the DBS was removed.  When I suck on a piece of candy or ice, my throat tightens up.  It's very scary but Im hoping it won't get any worse.  My neck also twitches sometimes and my foot spasms have come back.  My hand is curled in but if I think about it, I can straighten my wrist (not my fingers).  The most upsetting part is that I was just looking at pictures of myself the day after DBS and I had a huge smile on my face because I had made it through and then a couple weeks later there was a picture of my hand open.  I had never been so excited as I was that day.  I had so much in my head that I wanted to do now that I could use my hand and most of it involved Hailey.  Hailey helped me get through the surgery and I was getting

Pregnant With Dystonia

Well, hello there and welcome to my blog. These last couple months have been stressful, exciting, painful, happy and scary. I'm working on keeping these feelings positive! A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with Dystonia. My left hand has curled into a fist and I can no longer use my fingers. My wrist is permanantly stuck in a spasm and I now wear a brace 24/7. I get daily spasms in my feet and sometimes its hard to walk because I don't know when it is going to happen. I have muscle spasms in my back quite often and occassionally in my neck and jaw. On top of the dystonia, I have multi-directional instability in both of my shoulders, causing them to dislocate very frequently. In February, 2010 I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive! It was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Although my boyfriend and I were a little nervous, we smiled and started to plan our life together with our baby that was on the way. Since then, I haven't been able