It's 430 in the morning and i wake up to Max's whimper over the baby monitor. I get up to go get him and the first thing I notice is that I cant open the door. My left hand is so weak I cant turn the door knob. I try with my right hand even though I have no feeling in it. As the door opens my forearm goes into spasm and causes excrutiating pain. i've had quite a few problems with my arms and hands over the years, but this is the worst it's been. The Botox wasn't working so we tried a new medication called xeomin and my left hand seems to be opening a bit, but it's completely useless because it's so weak. I can't do anything with it. My right arm has been affected by the dystonia, but also I have carpal tunnel so the two of those together also makes doing anything very difficult. Hopefully a DBS adjustment will help soon.
After Max was born, I was diagnosed with a pituitary macro prolactinoma. I didn't know what it was at first, but then found out it is a benign tumor on my pituitary gland. It messes with your hormones and can cause infertility. This made me wonder if that was part of the reason I couldn't get pregnant with Max. If these get too big, they can push on your optic nerve and cause vision issues. That was the scariest part for me. I started medication in August to shrink it, but I just found out it has not decreased in size at all. The next step is to see neurosurgery to see if I need to have it surgically removed. I am going to Albany in March to meet with the surgeon. I'm hopeful we can get this taken care of so I wont have any problems in the future.
One more thing I want to update everybody about is the dystonia walks. When I started doing them, I had a huge turnout. It was fun, and I raised a lot of money to give to the DMRF towards research. They brought me a lot of happiness and I loved doing it. Over the years we started to get less people and life has just gotten more hectic. I don't have as much time as I would like to put into it. I'm hoping over the next few years I can put together a different kind of fundraiser so I can still meet my goals and be able to give to a foundation that has helped me so much. I want to thank everyone who did come to the walks, i appreciate you so much.
for now I am going to focus on my health, my husband and my 3 beautuful children ❤
Some days its hard to find the words to explain what dystonia feels like. It's invisible to most people, yet it shapes every hour of my day quietly, persistently and often painfully. I don't share this because I want sympathy, I share it because awareness matters and too many people still don't know what dystonia is, let alone how much it can affect someones life. Dystonia affects my hands, feet, back and neck. My hands ache as though they've been gripping something for hours, even when they're resting. My neck strains as if theres a weight hanging from it and no amount of stretching helps. My feet cramp and curl making sonething as simple as standing still feel like a test of endurance. I've grown stronger in ways I never expected. Ive learned patience, determination and resilience. Ive learned to celebrate small victories, like waking up with a little less stiffness or being abke to open a jar of spaghetti sauce. Im sharing this because I want people to under...
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