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The Worry in me

This is a hard topic for me to write about, and something I don't share with many people but I feel like explaining how my mind works might help others like me not feel alone. I talk a lot about my dystonia because most of my symotoms are visible and I get extremely embarrased about the way I look or walk. I try to hide my hand, which I'm usually successful at but hiding my foot isn't as easy. I walk off balance most of the time because my foot is almost turned completely sideways. I don't let it affect my speed or stop me from doing things which I guess is good but because of that it causes other issues with my knee, hip and back. Anyway, I share that stuff so people know why I look the way I do and also to spread awareness. What I don't share is the anxiety and worry I deal with every single day. I worry about little things like what to feed my family for dinner, how do I find time to clean my house, etc. I worry A LOT about the kind of mother I am and how I never feel like Im doing enough. I worry about how much my kids are getting outside, what theyre eating, their friendships, their health, their future. I worry about where we live, money, what car I drive. I worry about Jim, his job and health and feelings. I worry about how people view me, what I look like, my grey hairs coming in, my weight gain. I worry about my health but that is always last. I worry about not having any friends and feeling like no one likes me. I think about how I can change the way I am, be more social and outgoing but I dont know how because I worry about every single thing I do and say. I worry about what people will think about my opinion on something so I just agree with others or don't say anything at all. Im done with worrying, I'm just trying to figure out how to actually stop it.

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