Skip to main content

Crazy Eyes

It has been almost six years since my DBS was placed.  The most horrifying experience but so life changing.  My days got better over the years as my hands began working again.  With the exception of a couple bumps in the road, my life has drastically improved.  My happiness escalated and I felt so free and able to move and live my life to the fullest.  Without DBS, I can't imagine how difficult it would be to raise my children, to change them, drive them, play with them and hold their little hands as they learn new things.
Over the last several months, my eyes have really been giving me a lot of trouble. The pain shoots through my eyeballs like a knife.  The room spins and fills with stars. My neck aches and my head feels like it weighs nearly 100 lbs. I have been to several eye doctors, neurologists, neuro eye doctors, and my primary care doctor and no one really knows what this is from or what is causing it.  Some days I want to rip my DBS out of my head and see if these symptoms get better.  Then... I remember the pain and stiffness I dealt with before having this done. Honestly, what is worse?  No use of my hands and feet or this crazy eye pain?  I really don't know.  I can't remember the last time I slept through the night or the last time I could look side to side without feeling like I was going to lose my balance. I am hoping with time this gets better and we can figure out the reason for it and how to fix it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dystonia awareness

Some days its hard to find the words to explain what dystonia feels like. It's invisible to most people, yet it shapes every hour of my day quietly, persistently and often painfully. I don't share this because I want sympathy, I share it because awareness matters and too many people still don't know what dystonia is, let alone how much it can affect someones life. Dystonia affects my hands, feet, back and neck. My hands ache as though they've been gripping something for hours, even when they're resting. My neck strains as if theres a weight hanging from it and no amount of stretching helps. My feet cramp and curl making sonething as simple as standing still feel like a test of endurance. I've grown stronger in ways I never expected. Ive learned patience, determination and resilience. Ive learned to celebrate small victories, like waking up with a little less stiffness or being abke to open a jar of spaghetti sauce. Im sharing this because I want people to under...
Post a Comment
Read more

update on Dystonia and Family

I have been doing as well as could be expected.  I am back in Florida so it's nice to be with Ryan.  Although I am still upset about the whole thing, I am trying hard to smile and not let it show.  The spasms have returned and have gotten worse since the DBS was removed.  When I suck on a piece of candy or ice, my throat tightens up.  It's very scary but Im hoping it won't get any worse.  My neck also twitches sometimes and my foot spasms have come back.  My hand is curled in but if I think about it, I can straighten my wrist (not my fingers).  The most upsetting part is that I was just looking at pictures of myself the day after DBS and I had a huge smile on my face because I had made it through and then a couple weeks later there was a picture of my hand open.  I had never been so excited as I was that day.  I had so much in my head that I wanted to do now that I could use my hand and most of it involved Hailey.  Hailey helped me ...
13 comments
Read more

Why be normal?

For the last 17 years my hand has slowly been getting destroyed. Its been closed, open, dislocated fingers, and eventually everything about it was deformed. My first hand treatment was casting my fingers open but with dystonia this usually doesnt work. It was one of the worst pains I ever experienced and I had to go back and have the cast cut off that night. I had my first hand surgery in 2019 to "fix" some of the damage that was done from my dystonia. Little did I know that would turn into many more surgeries trying to relieve my discomfort and my anxiety of having a deformed hand. I wanted it to look normal so bad. I was so embarrased by how my fingers looked that I always had my hand in a sweatshirt pocket so I could hide it from the world. I never mind sharing my story to spread awareness but how embarrasing is it to drop groceries everytime you try to shop, or struggle to pick your toddler up. Over the last couple years I started seeing a new hand doctor that my mother...
Post a Comment
Read more