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Never give up

Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
I’m truly trying. It’s been about a year since my first hand surgery and I had hope I’d have that one surgery and my hand would be normal. It wasn’t. 7 months later I had another one to tweak what was done and I thought for sure it would be 100% after that one. It wasn’t. 3 months later I had my third surgery and said to myself, “this is the last one, it’s going to work!” It didn’t. Over the last 4 months, my hand has progressively gotten worse. I now have no feeling in my thumb or index finger, all fingers are hyperextending, severe pain in my forearm and a shock like feeling in the top of my hand. There is nothing I want more than to just give up right now. But every time I think that’s what i want to do, I realize that’s not who I am and there is no way I will just be ok with everyone telling me there’s nothing that can be done. I don’t know if it’s my DBS that needs to be adjusted, more hand surgery, physical therapy, Botox or medications but I WILL get my hand back.
I had a telehealth visit with a new doctor the other day and he mentioned a few options for me. We are going to start with an X-ray to see if there’s any damage and what’s going on with my nerves. We will move on from there and discuss my options. He is afraid that my dystonia will fight against any surgery I have so he is not sure it’s worth it, but we will discuss it further when I see him in person. 
I’m so sick of dealing with it and seeing doctors during the coronavirus with my kids home is extremely hard. I can’t always get the help I need right away so I’m trying to work around it. This is a difficult time for everyone and I feel very lonely and isolated. My kids and I have been trying to find new things to do during the days at home so if anyone has any fun activities you want to share, I would love to hear them. I would also love to see any new delicious recipes as I’d like to start cooking new foods. I am trying to be more active and ignore my dystonia for the most part but it seems every time I move I pull a muscle. I’m desperately trying to get in better shape so I can do things more comfortably. 

When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place and always remember how far you’ve already come. 

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