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hoping for better days

I remember the frame being drilled into my head. I was awake and had the worst headache ever.  when it was over, i had no hair.  I cried because I thought people wouldn't like me.  I cried because of the scars, because of the reactions I would get from other people, and I cried happy tears because I was getting better.  It was quite a rough time in my life to go through brain surgery but I did it to get my hand back, I did it for my daughter and I did it for myself.  A month went by and my hand was working.  I cant even begin to explain how happy I was.  Until the infection.  May 21, 2011 was a very depressing day for me.  Once again, brain surgery only this time I would come out worse... with no hand again. 
What a road ive been down since then.  Today was a bad day.  I have lost two fingers on my right hand and physical therapy wasnt much help.  My neck is twitching bad and sometimes i have a hard time breathing.  I just want to cry, to curl up in a ball and never leave my bed again.  But then i see Haileys beautiful face and know I have to fight.  I was supposed to have DBS again next Thursday but I got the news this morning that it wont be happening.  Who knows when it will be now or if at all.  I saw my neurologist today and he gave me another med.  He said next time my neck gets stuck I have to go to the ER.  He also said I will need DBS on both sides instead of just on the right side like last time.  Great news, huh!  Ugh, so now that I got all that out, lets hope for a good day tomorrow. 

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