Swimming Against The Current

I just don't understand why some things happen.  You know that saying, "everything happens for a reason?" Do you believe in that?  How true could that be?  What exactly is the reason for my dystonia?  For Cody's 22Q?  It's overwhelming and stressful and there are so many days I have anxiety and don't know if I can go on.  But you know that feeling when your child looks into your eyes and smiles?  Or when your toddler puts her arms around you and hugs you tighter than you thought she had the strength to do and says "I love you mommy".  These are the moments I live for and these are the kind of days I know I will never give up and I will do everything in my power to help myself, help my children and help my husband deal with us. I often worry I am not a good enough wife or mother.  I worry about what my kids think about me and I worry I am the reason for my children's problems.  Does Cody have 22Q because of something I did?  Or didn't do?  Or