Swimming Against The Current

  I have had some fears in my life. I was scared to give birth and scared to be a mother. I was scared to get married and scared to get divorced. I was scared to go on a first date and have a new relationship. I was scared to fall in love but once I did I was scared to lose that feeling. I’m scared of being on a bridge in my car. I’m scared of saying no. I’m scared of hurting people. I was scared to have brain surgery and didn’t think I was going to wake up. I have an unrealistic fear of a raccoon attacking me. I’m scared to share my opinion with most people. I’m scared of big crowds and feeling out of place. Im scared of losing the people I love and I’m scared about where I’m going to live. Many of these fears are things I live with every day but don’t talk about. Many of them are things I’m working to get over and live with.   The thing that has scared me the most is dystonia in my abdominal muscles. When my stomach tightens up, I can’t catch my breathe and it’s hard to talk. My bigg

I’m overweight. I’m not happy about the way I look but I’m happy with my life.  Since Covid has attacked and pretty much made everything impossible, I have had a hard time. It started with the homeschooling and all us of trying to adjust. Then being told Cody was doing summer school. He does school on zoom three times a week, speech on zoom three times a week and speech outside of the house twice a week. He hates the zoom meetings and sometimes struggles to sit through it. Hailey gets bored when he’s doing it. I can’t bring them anywhere because they need masks and they’re little and hate them and it’s hot. I don’t have time to go grocery shopping, I don’t have time or motivation to work out. My dystonia is getting worse by the day and I’m pretty much just a fat crippled mess. I’m trying to think positive but it’s especially hard when people are judging your every move. People I don’t even like so I don’t even know why I care. What makes you so perfect? Because your healthy and can wo