Swimming Against The Current

Leading up to my surgery, I had some of the worst dreams that I didn’t want to share until it was over. Every day, I thought something was going to prevent me from having this surgery done. I had this sick feeling deep in my stomach that something would go wrong. And when nothing happened in the days leading me to surgery, I thought for sure something was going to happen in the OR. Last Sunday night, at the hotel in Albany, I don’t think I slept more than 20 minutes. I got up before my alarm, took a hot bath and prepared myself for this. I felt this feeling of excitement that the day was finally here but also a feeling of panic.  I met with my surgeon and two other surgeons helping her, a few nurses, and 2 or 3 anesthesiologists. Each one had different information that I tried to absorb but thinking back now I don’t think I understood a single thing any of them said. They finally were ready to bring me into the OR and I couldn’t have anything to relax me because it may interfere w

2018 was the worst year I’ve had when it comes to my dystonia but the best year I’ve had when it comes to happiness. I learned to never give up and to always fight for what you want and what you need. Although I’m still trying to get better at standing up for myself, I’ve improved greatly over the last year. My doctors in Boston stopped helping me which pushed me to find answers somewhere else. Eventually I ended up back with my surgeon in Albany, who has always come through and helped me overcome every struggle I’ve ever had with my dystonia. Once again, she’s helping me and next week I will have my DBS redone. The stress is killing me trying to find help with the kids, but I’m so thankful for my family and friends for always helping me. In times like this, I want to give up and just cancel my surgery because finding help is very difficult, but I cannot be the mother I need to be in the condition I’m in and getting help will, in the long run, help my children as well. One of the big