Swimming Against The Current

It has been almost six years since my DBS was placed.  The most horrifying experience but so life changing.  My days got better over the years as my hands began working again.  With the exception of a couple bumps in the road, my life has drastically improved.  My happiness escalated and I felt so free and able to move and live my life to the fullest.  Without DBS, I can't imagine how difficult it would be to raise my children, to change them, drive them, play with them and hold their little hands as they learn new things. Over the last several months, my eyes have really been giving me a lot of trouble. The pain shoots through my eyeballs like a knife.  The room spins and fills with stars. My neck aches and my head feels like it weighs nearly 100 lbs. I have been to several eye doctors, neurologists, neuro eye doctors, and my primary care doctor and no one really knows what this is from or what is causing it.  Some days I want to rip my DBS out of my head and see if these symptom

Have you ever sat in a waiting room while your child is in surgery?  Staring at the clock, looking at your phone, trying to read a magazine but your not comprehending anything your reading. By 10:00 you've had 3 coffees and barely any food because your child couldn't eat, so why would you.  Hours pass and you pace the hallways, stare at the other families as the doctors come get them and tell them their child is ok.  The longest days of my life are the days my child goes in for surgery.  The minutes pass like hours and the anxiety within me is unbearable.  Just thinking about another one of these days scares me.  It's not about me.  It's about my poor little Cody.  He doesn't know what's going on, but yet he does.  He's starting to realize what surgery means and he is starting to ask every family member if they will visit him. The minutes after the surgery is over is the scariest.  It's always the same.  They come get me and tell me he's fine and s

I believe in kindness and helping people.  I believe that no matter what, you should smile at the person walking by you on the street even if they don't smile back.  I believe in sunsets and dancing in the rain.  I believe in finding the good in every situation even if it feels like your life is about to end. The last year has been rough.  I've been through a lot and I'm still here, standing tall and proud.  I have fought through obstacles, stood strong for my children and changed my life in the matter of days.  There are a lot of things about life that are hard.  It's hard to smile when you find out your dad is in the hospital with pneumonia and the flu and will be intubated for 9 days.  It's hard to laugh when your son is going in for his 12th surgery in just a couple weeks, It's hard to stand tall when nothing around you feels right.  But, I have learned that sitting on the couch and crying and feeling sorry for myself will get me NOWHERE.  How will that hel