Swimming Against The Current

For some reason I thought these nine months were going to be great.  I thought I was going to have little to no symptoms and everything would be perfect.  At the beginning of the pregnancy I felt pretty good and the only real problem I had was my back but I thought it was because of the pregnancy itself more then the dystonia.  Im starting to think otherwise. My back hurts so bad I can barely step on my left leg.  My left foot has been curling in and today my back is pulling in making it difficult to do anything.  I have two birthday's to shop for and grocery shopping to do and I just cant seem to get to the store because I am in so much pain.  I dont know if I should see my neurologist, my ob, walk or just lay on a heating pad.  I thought walking was good but Hailey doesnt sit in the stroller so walking and carrying a 22 month old probably isnt great for the pain.  So, any way if anyone out there has any suggestions for me that'd be great!  Lets hope and pray the pregnancy ge

When it comes to my dystonia, my surgeries and being sick, I feel like I am a very strong person.  I have gone through 6 shoulder surgeries and basically 4 brain surgeries in my 25 years of life.  Yeah, it was painful, I had side effects, I had problems with the infection and it was a long road but I fought through it, being positive through the whole thing.  When it comes to life though, I am not a strong person at all.  I cant stand up for myself, I cant say no, and I feel guilty for months if I make someone upset.  I try so hard to make everyone happy and its just impossible.  I cant seem to do anything right, I feel useless and like I have no purpose in life.  I am trying very hard to change this about my self, to be strong and stand up for what I want, what I believe in and what I need but its just so hard.  As for my dystonia...  Things are going great.  When I was pregnant with Hailey something very weird happened, my dystonia was so much better.  Well...  It has gotten a lot