Well my baby is growing quickly, which means so is my belly. This pregnancy, surprisingly, is going by a lot faster then I had anticipated. Its much different then my first pregnancy, which I heard is usually true with your second child.
When I was pregnant with Hailey, I got pretty big but I dont remember to be so big, so fast! I had morning sickness with Hailey for about 13 weeks. I have not been sick at all this time. Also, with Hailey I rested whenever I wanted. This pregnancy, there is no such thing as rest! Hailey has me up and moving at all times of the day (and night)! Sometimes I really need a good nights sleep and she just doesnt like to go to bed!
I have realized so much from being a mother in just two short years. There were so many things I wanted to do as a mother before I had Hailey, and its just so much easier said then done! I wanted to have the "perfect" child, who was off her bottle at one year, didnt have a pacifier, was potty trained early and went to bed at a normal time every night.
Well as far as perfect goes, I think she is perfect because she is my daughter. She is the most beautiful, funny, smart, and fun little girl I have ever met. She has a great personality and always seems to make everyone smile. I love that so much. I tried so hard not to let people get to me when they tell me how I should parent, but sometimes its just annoying. But if every kid was raised the way they were "supposed" to be, wouldnt we all be the same? Hailey was off the bottle by one, and that was no problem. When it comes to the pacifier... she just loves it when she sleeps. Im worried about her teeth but after listening to her scream for 4 1/2 hours when we tried to take it away, my heart just broke. I think she will get rid of it when she's ready and if anyone wants to criticize me, then go ahead! At night time, I give Hailey a bath, we read stories and usually watch a little TV. She used to fall asleep at 730 every night on the couch and I'd move her into her crib and she'd be out for the night. A lot of times, she'd come into our bed in the middle of the night but I didnt mind at all. She is now to the point where she very rarely will fall asleep on the couch. When she was a little younger, I got into the habit of rocking her to sleep, which I loved because she'd cuddle up to me and fall asleep on me. She's only little once, and I enjoyed every second. Other parents also told me not to rock her but she's now two and already doesnt like it so it didnt last very long, and I knew I wouldnt be rocking her when she was 15. So, anyway bedtime is our worst time. She throws temper tantrums and kicks and screams and sometimes I just want to run away from home but every night, eventually she falls asleep and the next day, the two of us are okay again. So maybe she has some bad habits that Ive learned to work on more with my next baby but she is my special little girl that I love more then anything and people can judge me all they want. If she's graduating college with a pacifier, then you can give me dirty looks!
Cody is doing well. He kicks and does flips a lot, I think he is going to enjoy karate. In two weeks, I will already be in my third trimester. Its flying by. My foot is still curled in and the bigger my belly gets, the harder it is to walk. I saw my obgyn last week and he told me to keep telling the neurologist that the settings on my DBS should be changed. I talked to one girl who had her batteries replaced and re-turned on and programmed at 7 months pregnant and her baby was fine. I think I would also be fine and it would help me considerably. My neurologist said there is no OB department at UMASS so they wouldnt be able to monitor the baby. I dont want to do it without being monitored but there is an OB department at the memorial campus so I am waiting to hear back about maybe going there. Who knows. I was going to physical therapy for my back but when my foot curled in and my back stopped hurting, they switched their focus to my foot. They were going to put me in a brace but they couldnt get my foot straight enough to get a brace on it so they never did. They also wanted me to use a walker but I dont think I could use a walker with a 2 year old. A couple weeks ago, they sent me on my way and said there wasnt much more they could do for me. So now, I sit at home with my foot curled in and my back aches again and no one wants to deal with me. I dont know what my next step should be. I guess, with only 14 weeks to go, I will deal with it until my sweet baby boy is here, hoping it doesnt get worse in the meantime. I dont want everyone to bend over backwards for me but a little help from the doctors would be nice, to try to find me some relief. I dont think many people know what its like to walk on the side of your foot constantly. My leg, hip, ankle and back are all getting messed up from the way I walk.
I am not much of a religious person but I think praying may be my only option. Praying for this dystonia to get better, praying for a pain free pregnancy and labor and praying for my little boy. Maybe this will help.
When I was pregnant with Hailey, I got pretty big but I dont remember to be so big, so fast! I had morning sickness with Hailey for about 13 weeks. I have not been sick at all this time. Also, with Hailey I rested whenever I wanted. This pregnancy, there is no such thing as rest! Hailey has me up and moving at all times of the day (and night)! Sometimes I really need a good nights sleep and she just doesnt like to go to bed!
I have realized so much from being a mother in just two short years. There were so many things I wanted to do as a mother before I had Hailey, and its just so much easier said then done! I wanted to have the "perfect" child, who was off her bottle at one year, didnt have a pacifier, was potty trained early and went to bed at a normal time every night.
Well as far as perfect goes, I think she is perfect because she is my daughter. She is the most beautiful, funny, smart, and fun little girl I have ever met. She has a great personality and always seems to make everyone smile. I love that so much. I tried so hard not to let people get to me when they tell me how I should parent, but sometimes its just annoying. But if every kid was raised the way they were "supposed" to be, wouldnt we all be the same? Hailey was off the bottle by one, and that was no problem. When it comes to the pacifier... she just loves it when she sleeps. Im worried about her teeth but after listening to her scream for 4 1/2 hours when we tried to take it away, my heart just broke. I think she will get rid of it when she's ready and if anyone wants to criticize me, then go ahead! At night time, I give Hailey a bath, we read stories and usually watch a little TV. She used to fall asleep at 730 every night on the couch and I'd move her into her crib and she'd be out for the night. A lot of times, she'd come into our bed in the middle of the night but I didnt mind at all. She is now to the point where she very rarely will fall asleep on the couch. When she was a little younger, I got into the habit of rocking her to sleep, which I loved because she'd cuddle up to me and fall asleep on me. She's only little once, and I enjoyed every second. Other parents also told me not to rock her but she's now two and already doesnt like it so it didnt last very long, and I knew I wouldnt be rocking her when she was 15. So, anyway bedtime is our worst time. She throws temper tantrums and kicks and screams and sometimes I just want to run away from home but every night, eventually she falls asleep and the next day, the two of us are okay again. So maybe she has some bad habits that Ive learned to work on more with my next baby but she is my special little girl that I love more then anything and people can judge me all they want. If she's graduating college with a pacifier, then you can give me dirty looks!
Cody is doing well. He kicks and does flips a lot, I think he is going to enjoy karate. In two weeks, I will already be in my third trimester. Its flying by. My foot is still curled in and the bigger my belly gets, the harder it is to walk. I saw my obgyn last week and he told me to keep telling the neurologist that the settings on my DBS should be changed. I talked to one girl who had her batteries replaced and re-turned on and programmed at 7 months pregnant and her baby was fine. I think I would also be fine and it would help me considerably. My neurologist said there is no OB department at UMASS so they wouldnt be able to monitor the baby. I dont want to do it without being monitored but there is an OB department at the memorial campus so I am waiting to hear back about maybe going there. Who knows. I was going to physical therapy for my back but when my foot curled in and my back stopped hurting, they switched their focus to my foot. They were going to put me in a brace but they couldnt get my foot straight enough to get a brace on it so they never did. They also wanted me to use a walker but I dont think I could use a walker with a 2 year old. A couple weeks ago, they sent me on my way and said there wasnt much more they could do for me. So now, I sit at home with my foot curled in and my back aches again and no one wants to deal with me. I dont know what my next step should be. I guess, with only 14 weeks to go, I will deal with it until my sweet baby boy is here, hoping it doesnt get worse in the meantime. I dont want everyone to bend over backwards for me but a little help from the doctors would be nice, to try to find me some relief. I dont think many people know what its like to walk on the side of your foot constantly. My leg, hip, ankle and back are all getting messed up from the way I walk.
I am not much of a religious person but I think praying may be my only option. Praying for this dystonia to get better, praying for a pain free pregnancy and labor and praying for my little boy. Maybe this will help.
Hi Mandi - it sounds like you are doing a fine job. Most kids end up with braces anyway, so all you can do it try your best. If I had a kid that needed his/her pacifier that badly, I'd give in too. There's only so much that one can take as a human being.
ReplyDeleteAs for the walker, I agree with you 100%. Even not chasing a 2-year-old, I would find a walker to be a burden.
I know dystonia hurts. I know what it's like to have limbs rendered useless' having to crawl instead of walk, having respiratory problems due to severe muscle spasm, and being thrown out of a chair just trying to sit still. The worst part is that no one understands. And the strange looks. Then there's having to juggle meds, Botox and DBS settings. It's a lot. And the feeling of helplessness is probably the worst out of all of this...
Please don't take this as anything more than a bit of tough love... but count your blessings! I know it's hard, but there are people who I have met that have TERRIBLE dystonia but could not be approved for DBS for one reason or another. I know at least two people who have had DBS that are in wheelchairs. I met a guy who had DBS and it just didn't work at all. Neurosurgeons have been in his brain 4 times. He drags himself across the floor with his left arm. A girl I know locally has severe myoclonic dystonia, cannot have DBS and is unable to talk. We text each other to communicate.
Really, it could be so much worse, based on the picture you are painting in your blog. Please do not take this as my being critical - i'm just saying I think you're pretty darn lucky to be able to go off of medications, raise one child, and have another one on the way. I will never be able to do that... but I still consider myself blessed for so many reasons (that's not to say I don't have my bad days).
Anyway, good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and your treatment. Everything is going to turn out just fine!
~Nicole