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Stay at home mom

That moment when your driving in the car and your favorite song comes on and your singing away, turning up the volume over the voices of your fighting kids.  Then your 5 year old screams and cries because its too loud and your 3 year old is screaming "window down" then you put his window down and he puts it up himself then screams "window down" over and over.  Then you get to the store and your 5 year old is flipping out because she doesn't want to go in, and your 3 year old has no shoes on and is soaked from squeezing his cup all over himself. Then you decide you'll bring them to the playground because that will be fun, right?  and then the 3 year old runs so fast he falls and scrapes his knee and the 5 year old is too hot and too shy to talk to her friends and sweating, and thirsty, and hungry, and miserable. And then you tell them its time to leave and they both cry because its sooo much fun suddenly. So, you stay. And then they hate it. So, you bring them home....  they both want different things for lunch that neither will eat, then you have to clean a pile of poop up that your 3 year old did on the toy room floor.  Then you clean the house and 5 minutes later its a mess again. You put on the tv for 5 minutes to get them to settle down and they want a snack. Then that snack is all over the house and you insist on nap time, but both kids refuse.  So, you bring them outside.  Its too buggy out. Its boring. The pool is too cold. The grass it too itchy. The dirt is too dirty.

Being a stay at home mom is tiring. Its lonely. Its frustrating.  Its HARD.  Often times, people don't understand and will ask what we do all day. We don't sit down and relax.  We don't have adult conversation. We cook. We clean. We drive. We cry.

I try so hard then I wonder if I'm good enough. If I'm strong enough. More often then not, I beat myself up over and over again because I feel like I'm failing. I shouldn't get so frustrated and be so stressed out. I'm on edge all the time. Sometimes I just need a hug and a kiss.  I need my children to tell me they love me.  And this morning, when my daughter told me I was the best mom ever.... It made this all worth it. When my son (who has been non verbal) said he loved me and squeezed my neck, I burst into tears. Its a hard job but soon enough my kids will be grown and won't need me anymore.

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