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At what point do you give up? When do you just stop with doctors and accept that this is how you were supposed to be?
I think I’ve hit that point. I am tired of the doctors visits, the therapy appointments, the never ending supply of splints (I mean at this point I could open my own medical supply store). I am sick of the laughing and the guessing, the 11 scars I have all over my hand. I’m sick of the looks I get when I can’t grab something with my left hand, and I’m sick of spilling something almost everyday. I’m sick of looking at my beautiful engagement ring and thinking how much better it would look on a normal hand. 
I hate that I can’t do Haileys hair and I can’t hold Jim’s hand. I can’t do the dishes, or laundry or grocery shop. 
But the thing I hate most is the anxiety it causes me to constantly worry about how to make it better. I’ve come to the realization that maybe it’s just not going to ever be normal again and I’m ok with that. It’s time to move on and accept this life with dystonia.  

I saw my surgeon today. He shook his head in disbelief and said its getting worse. But he also said it “looks good”. I don’t think he really knows what to think. I got yet another splint and was told to continue therapy for 6 more weeks then go back for a follow up. All my fingers are hyper extending still and my index finger is in its own world. The splints hurt so most of the time I can’t wear them. My dystonia fights against the hard material and after the last surgery, my fingers want to curl again. I know my hand won’t be perfect but I just want to be able to use it!! 

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