Swimming Against The Current

  What do you do when you have so many dreams, so much motivation for a healthy life, so many goals and every day there’s something stopping you from succeeding? I’m not too lazy, too tired, or unmotivated… my body won’t let me move. The last couple days have been excruciating.  As most of you know, my dystonia mainly affects my left side. My left hand and my left foot have always been the worst so when they act up, I’m not usually surprised or worried. This is different. My back is so bad, there is no position I’m comfortable in so I have to keep moving. When I sit, it feels like my back is crushing the top of my butt. My whole right leg throbs, the top of my foot aches and my right hand goes in and out of a fist. Mg right arm feels so weak it’s hard to lift anything. My abdominal muscles hurt and I can never tell if it’s anxiety, hunger, dystonia, or nausea because it sort of feels like all of that combined. For the most part, I can deal with the pain but I can’t deal with n...

  I didn’t think I could do it. I almost backed out of doing my walking fundraiser because I had absolutely no faith in myself to succeed. Jim pushed me because he knew it meant a lot to me. I decided to do it, even if no one donated and I just started walking a couple miles a day I could just do it for myself, to help me stay motivated to stay active. I made the Facebook page and started inviting people to watch my progress and within 2 weeks had reached my goal of $1000 raised. I’ve walked 68 miles in two weeks and this morning I actually jogged 3 miles. Who am I? I barely recognize myself, I am not a runner and I have never been a runner.    I am proud of what I’ve accomplished but I couldn’t have done any of it without all of you, and especially without my husband.  The amount of people who have shared my story, commented and donated has truly been amazing. I am doing this because I am tired of living with dystonia and just want a cure. I am also doing this to sh...

  It took me 22 years to get diagnosed with dystonia. 22 years of unexplained pain, several unnecessary surgeries and a whole lot of unknowns. The first time I heard the word “dystonia” I had no idea what it meant and spent days researching it to understand it better.    I wished I had known more about it at the time but it took years to fully understand what was happening to my body. It seemed like it progressed fairly quickly. It started in my shoulders I guess but we didn’t know what it was until my hand curled in. It then moved to my foot and neck and then to my right side.    After going through DBS, medications and Botox injections I started to improve. As I got better, all I wanted to do was help other people understand it.  Since 2012, I have had 4 dystonia walks to spread awareness and raise money for the DMRF. I have had great support and have met many people. Last year, we had to cancel the walk because of the pandemic and it looks like we will h...

  My dystonia was getting bad again, I was overweight and unhappy with how I looked. I spent most days feeling sorry for myself and just thinking of every excuse I could to not change. I didn’t have the time to workout or the money to buy healthier foods. I didn’t have the energy to cook good meals and I was in too much pain to get up and do something. I never took the time to think about my own body or my own health and I never thought to change my whole lifestyle. On New Year’s Eve, I saw a picture of myself that my mom took and was so unhappy with the way I looked that it brought me to tears. That week I started working out every day with videos on YouTube. The week after I joined weight watchers. The week after that we bought a treadmill and I started walking every day. I changed the way I drink my coffee, I stopped drinking soda, and I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I got up and moved and this morning I was down 12lbs since January 6th. I am so happy to say I’m losing weigh...

  Have you ever watched a movie with a love story and thought that the relationships on them aren’t ever what they appear to be? In real life, love isn’t something that’s easy, or something that makes you so happy it still makes you crazy years after meeting someone. I thought love became a habit overtime, you just become used to each other and go through the motions of each day together.  At the risk of sounding cheesy, I found that movie romance in real life. After 3 years and 3 months I still get butterflies when he texts me. I still watch for him out the window when he’s coming home from work. We still kiss goodnight and say I love you 150 times a day. I look forward to my time with him every single day and never get sick of it. I love the way he looks at me, the way he protects me, treats me and the way he loves me.  I know people get sick of hearing it. A lot of people don’t know how to act around happy couples but I honestly don’t care what anyone thinks. I will go...

  I have had some fears in my life. I was scared to give birth and scared to be a mother. I was scared to get married and scared to get divorced. I was scared to go on a first date and have a new relationship. I was scared to fall in love but once I did I was scared to lose that feeling. I’m scared of being on a bridge in my car. I’m scared of saying no. I’m scared of hurting people. I was scared to have brain surgery and didn’t think I was going to wake up. I have an unrealistic fear of a raccoon attacking me. I’m scared to share my opinion with most people. I’m scared of big crowds and feeling out of place. Im scared of losing the people I love and I’m scared about where I’m going to live. Many of these fears are things I live with every day but don’t talk about. Many of them are things I’m working to get over and live with.   The thing that has scared me the most is dystonia in my abdominal muscles. When my stomach tightens up, I can’t catch my breathe and it’s hard to talk...

I’m overweight. I’m not happy about the way I look but I’m happy with my life.  Since Covid has attacked and pretty much made everything impossible, I have had a hard time. It started with the homeschooling and all us of trying to adjust. Then being told Cody was doing summer school. He does school on zoom three times a week, speech on zoom three times a week and speech outside of the house twice a week. He hates the zoom meetings and sometimes struggles to sit through it. Hailey gets bored when he’s doing it. I can’t bring them anywhere because they need masks and they’re little and hate them and it’s hot. I don’t have time to go grocery shopping, I don’t have time or motivation to work out. My dystonia is getting worse by the day and I’m pretty much just a fat crippled mess. I’m trying to think positive but it’s especially hard when people are judging your every move. People I don’t even like so I don’t even know why I care. What makes you so perfect? Because your healthy a...